Say something about gay babies.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
