My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
