i was born a porn star she said
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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