So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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