I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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