Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize