addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
