This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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