I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
