Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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