I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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