i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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