Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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