how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize