i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
