Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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