well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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