My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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