so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
