i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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