so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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