I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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