My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize