i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
