laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize