all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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