You're a womanizer and a bitch.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As shirtless as possible
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
