Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
