I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
