its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
