Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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