sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
