youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize