GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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