The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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