giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
