just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
