yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
