did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's just like the Real World with babies
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
