i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
