then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
