Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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