Sry I called you an 8
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
