Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
