I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
