AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
