Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
