Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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