When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
