I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
