btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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