"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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