he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
