...so i touched it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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