I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
