Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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