Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
