I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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