Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
