I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
