a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
