Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
