I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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