So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
