I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
