Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
