i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
