a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
