Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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