so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
