Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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