I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
